


said it's four a.m.

by badlandsmgc



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Porn, Happy Ending, Insomnia, M/M, Masturbation, Smut, Suicide mention, idk what this is, kind of, luke’s suffering basically, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:21:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7792126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badlandsmgc/pseuds/badlandsmgc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>luke’s a mess and michael wants to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	said it's four a.m.

**Author's Note:**

> based (not entirely) off of Hold Onto Me by Mayday Parade
> 
> I don’t know how to feel about the suicide mentions in this fic.. It’s not in explicit detail, but the idea of one of my heroes being in so much pain that suicide is considered their only way out is terrifying to me. If you don’t want to read the part with the suicide mention just skip the paragraph that starts and ends with ‘++’. I hope you enjoy :)

Luke hasn’t slept in a while. He woke up one morning, dreading being awake, and looked at the clock. _4:12 a.m._ He stared at it, waiting for his band to wake up so that he wouldn’t have to eat breakfast alone, watching the LED lights flick from number to number. _4:13, 4:36, 4:52, 5:21, 6:30_ \- Luke hears an alarm start to blare in the room next to his. Ashton. He groans, waiting for the beeping to stop so he can go back to doing nothing. As if on cue, the noise stops. Luke listens to Ashton get out of bed, his groans signifying the commitment the older boy made when they started the band. _‘I’m going to get fit. Run every morning, actually start going to the gym,’_ the boys laughed at this. Never in a million years did they think that any one of them would actually start working out at any point in their lives. Ashton took this as a challenge. _‘I will! I swear it.’_ Ashton wasn’t one to break promises. Luke smiled at the memory. Life was simpler then. It’s been almost five years since they had become a band. They were living the dream, Luke had no right to complain. So he didn’t. At least not out loud. 

Luke hasn’t slept in a while. 66 hours and 25 minutes, to be exact. That first day that he had gone without sleep was spent lying in bed. They had two weeks off and he hasn’t been this tired since he had spent hours in front of his laptop trying his hardest to write an essay for school. For once in his life, he’s too exhausted to move. He’d woken up thinking that he’d get out of bed when the house wasn’t so quiet so that he wouldn’t feel lonely as he ate his breakfast. So when Luke heard Calum’s door open down the hallway he sat up in his bed, determined to go downstairs at least once that day. If Luke was being completely honest with himself, he thought that going downstairs would be too painful of a task to complete with the way he was feeling, but he’d be damned if he didn’t give it at least a shot. Luke mustered all the strength he had to lift himself off of the bed. He managed to stand for a second before his vision went dark. He gasped, frightened from the sudden vision loss, and fell harshly to his knees. Luke steadied himself by placing his hands on the floor in front of him and blinked rapidly, trying to regain his vision. Now along with tired, he was confused. The boy lowered himself down onto his stomach, deciding that getting back up wasn’t worth it. 

  


On that first day, Ashton came back from his run and didn’t see Luke in the kitchen with Calum and Michael. Luke was usually the first to wake up after Ashton. Sometimes he’d even see Luke going downstairs to get breakfast as he walked out the door. Rarely he’d see Calum wake up before Luke, but now that Michael’s awake he’s getting worried. Is Luke sick? Maybe he’s awake, just not currently in the kitchen. Yeah, that’s probably it. No need to overreact. 

“Hey, Ash.” The boys say from the kitchen. “What’s wrong, is the gym closed or something?” They laugh even though the joke wasn’t that funny. But that’s Calum and Michael, as long as they’re happy with each other, anything they say is hilarious to them. 

“Where’s Luke?” Ashton is 60% sure he’s over reacting. The other two look at each other, worry setting in their faces as they realize why he’s asking. The last time Luke thought too hard about himself he fell into what Ashton thinks is best described as a pit. Dark and lonesome and never ending if you didn’t bring help. The band was quick to pull him out of the ‘pit’ the last time, reassuring the youngest that everything that has happened to them wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t supposed to. They told him that they’d always be there for Luke, no matter what happens in the future. Assuring the boy that no matter how big they get as a band, their love for each other will always be bigger, seemed to do the trick that time. Hopefully Luke’s okay. 

“I’m sure he just overslept,” Michael tells Ashton. “He’s fine.” Ashton detects the faint waver in his voice as he tries to assure Ashton, and maybe even himself, that there’s nothing wrong with Luke. Michael was always the most affected by Luke’s wellbeing. Even when he said he hated Luke. Luke would get a cold and Michael would run to his house to comfort him. Luke got pushed around in school and Michael took the punches. Michael almost went insane when Luke fell into the pit. He clung to the younger boy like he was the one who needed it. Maybe he did. Michael watched Luke carefully for days after Luke got better. Slept in his room and held him close to make sure nothing happened to him again. 

Ashton heads up to Luke’s room before Michael can. If there’s something up with Luke then he doesn’t want Michael to see Luke just yet. Luke has fallen twice before. The first time was when they had first gotten to London together as a band. The second time had happened about a year ago. Calum found Luke sitting on the balcony in the cold. He’d been there for hours trying to get Luke to go inside. Ashton found him the second time and Luke had made him swear that day to secrecy. If Michael had found out that Luke had tried to kill himself, he’d never let Luke out of his sight. Michael would go the extra twenty thousand miles to make sure Luke never hurts again. Even if that meant punching everyone, including himself, who’s ever said something mean to Luke. 

  


Luke’s still lying on the floor when he heard Ashton’s voice calling softly to him from the other side of the door. _Ash_ , Luke tries calling back to him but his voice doesn’t seem to work. 

“Luke, are you there?” _Yeah, I’m here._ Luke hears the doorknob turn. 

“Jesus, Luke how long have you been down there?” _I’m not sure._ Luke feels Ashton’s hands on his shoulders, flipping him over. _I can’t see the clock from here._

“Can you talk?” Luke opened his mouth to say ‘yes’ but all that came out was a whimper that Ashton took as ‘no’. Ashton lifted Luke back onto his bed, choosing to ignore the streaks of dried tears on the blue-eyed boy’s cheeks. Calum walked into the room– followed by Michael, as Luke rolled over onto his side, his back facing the rest of the group. 

“Lukey?” Michael’s voice wavered slightly. At the sound of his friend’s voice, Luke moved his arms from their current position just the slightest bit to allow room for Michael to slot himself against Luke’s chest. 

The day went on like that. Luke stayed silent and pliable in Michael’s arms, sitting up when the older boy held his arms and gently pulled him up so that he could be fed. Calum and Ashton stayed out of the others’ way and quietly hoped for Luke to get better. Every couple hours Calum or Ashton would go upstairs with some food– a banana, cup noodles, a sandwich. They’d hand it to Michael and Michael would feed Luke. Both Ashton and Calum had thought of switching places with Michael, but they know that Luke wouldn’t be as compliant with them as he is with Michael. Luke would do anything for Michael. 

++ Ashton thinks back to around this time last year when Luke attempted to take his own life. He had found the younger boy barely breathing and lying on the floor in the bathroom. Ashton wouldn’t have checked the bathroom in the first place if he hadn’t seen the bed sheet caught on the door. Seeing Luke lie on the floor next to his bed in a similar manner earlier that day had sent shocks of panic through Ashton’s body. 

Ashton carried Luke out of the bathroom the same way that he had lifted Luke onto his bed that morning, but unlike the other time, Luke had spoken to him just when Ashton was about to call the other boys in for help. _‘Don’t tell Mike.’_ Luke had whispered to him, holding Ashton’s hand. Ashton closely monitored the younger boy for that night and in the morning he asked Luke what had happened and Luke, with some reluctance, told him that he had made a noose out of the bed sheet and tried to hang himself from the bathroom door. He also told Ashton that he probably would’ve been successful if he had tied a better knot. That way he wouldn’t have slipped out of the noose after he passed out. Ashton thought it was morbid– the way that Luke explained his mistakes as if he were a scientist who’s trying to solve their hypothesis. Luke made Ashton swear that what happened would be kept between the two of them and that it would never be spoken of again. 

After that, Luke acted like nothing had happened. The only reminder of that day is a faint scar on Luke’s eyebrow from when he slipped out of the noose and hit his head on the bathroom floor. That scar is the only reason Ashton didn’t chalk the situation up to be a dream no matter how hard he hoped and prayed that it was. ++

  


Luke looks over at the clock. He has been counting down the minutes until 4:12 a.m. At that time it will be exactly twenty-four hours that he’s been awake. Michael’s arm draped limply over Luke’s side and he could feel the older boy’s lips just barely brush the nape of his neck as he exhaled. 

Throughout the day, Luke slowly regained his ability to speak. It started out with soft whispers of “Mikey” when he actually wanted to say _‘I love you’_ and progressed to longer sentences like “thanks for this, Mike” when he actually wanted to say _‘tell me you love me too.’_ Now that Luke has the strength to tell his friend everything he’s been keeping inside, he can’t find the courage to just wake him up and do it. Instead, Luke wishes to stay engulfed in Michael’s arms for the rest of his life. However long that may be. 

  


#####  _And late at night, yeah he'll comfort me  
Hold onto me, hold onto me._

  



End file.
